When the Attention Leaves: Crisis Communications and the Search for Ryan Shtuka | A conversation with Heather Shtuka and host Tim Conrad

00;00;05;28 - 00;00;32;19
Heather Shtuka
You have no idea how this story wounds me now. In the retelling all of his life, my son had someone holding his hand, someone to kiss his brow, to soothe his tears, to chase the monsters from his bed every day until the early morning of February 18th. This lesson is so cruel and absolute. I so want to be the hero to do what we have been unable to do thus far.

00;00;32;21 - 00;00;38;06
Heather Shtuka
It feels like our darkest hour.

00;00;38;09 - 00;01;01;06
Tim Conrad
We acknowledge and respect the Indigenous people on whose ancestral territories we work and play, whether the land is unceded or ceded. Your relationship with this land and your culture is one we admire. Wherever we are, we are committed to truth and reconciliation through regular, meaningful actions.

00;01;01;08 - 00;01;23;07
Tim Conrad
Hey, Heather. Hate to text you like this. Haven't seen Ryan since last night. Starting to get worried about him. We ended up filing a police report, so I wouldn't be surprised if the police give you a call as well. Just thought I should let you know. It was February 17th, 2018 at a residence on Burfield Drive in Sun Peaks, British Columbia.

00;01;23;09 - 00;01;40;25
Tim Conrad
20 year old Ryan Shtuka, a worker at Sun Peaks, was seen getting ready to leave the small party the next day at 2:10 a.m.. Nobody remembers him leaving, and people who arrived shortly after do not recall seeing him there. He vanished and was never seen again.

00;01;40;28 - 00;01;52;10
Tim Conrad
Hello, Heather. Thanks for joining me. It's wonderful to meet you in person. And, got a chance to meet your husband, Scott, earlier. So, as we, call him, the arm candy is.

00;01;52;10 - 00;01;53;19
Heather Shtuka
He is definitely aware, and.

00;01;53;25 - 00;02;07;25
Tim Conrad
He's doing the good job there. So, we're going to walk today along the route, that Ryan may have taken on the night that he went missing. But, I want you to tell us about your boy Ryan. First.

00;02;07;27 - 00;02;35;24
Heather Shtuka
Gosh, I always that's so difficult because he was so many things to so many people. So I can only tell you what he meant to us. And and, you know, I always think he was smart, and he was funny, and he was loyal, and he was athletic, and, you know, he was kind and he was sarcastic and he teased, you know, he just, I think typical what you expect from a 20 year old, young man.

00;02;35;26 - 00;03;01;28
Heather Shtuka
You know, I think his friends probably have a whole bunch of different adjectives, but at the end of the day, I think sometimes how do you really capture someone's soul in so many words like that are just words to describe people. And and I always I think that I find that that answer or that question to be the most difficult one to answer, because I want so much for people to understand how loved and how much he mattered.

00;03;01;28 - 00;03;13;05
Heather Shtuka
And you know, how wonderful he was and what a gift he was in our life. And I feel like the words that I use to describe them never seem to be enough. So he was all of that and then so much more.

00;03;13;05 - 00;03;24;28
Tim Conrad
Yeah. And I certainly, you know, felt his, his personality and this, fun loving brother that love to pick on his sisters. So he did, being a brother. I know what that's like. And,

00;03;25;01 - 00;03;35;09
Heather Shtuka
I think it could have, done well without a lot of the teasing, but, now I think that's another one of the parts that, they probably miss the most as they grow up. Right?

00;03;35;09 - 00;04;00;19
Tim Conrad
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And so, so you've, focused on communication. And there's often a focus on communication, but is this a second thought in a lot of, things that happen, for your search for Ryan, it's highlighted, how key communication has been. And, there's little doubt that that text that you received a changed everything.

00;04;00;22 - 00;04;06;04
Tim Conrad
Tell me about that text and the importance of communication from there onward.

00;04;06;06 - 00;04;27;17
Heather Shtuka
I think you always look back and it's a it's like a defining moment. It is, you know, where life was at one point and then and suddenly it changes in a way that you can never get back. And that text was exactly that moment, you know, thinking everything was fine, receiving the text from James and actually never really looking at it right away.

00;04;27;17 - 00;04;48;24
Heather Shtuka
Like, I just, I was like, oh, it's from James. I'll get to it when I'm finished my conversation that I'm already having. And, you know, you look back now and you think there was that five more minutes? I think of of bliss of not knowing that your life was just about to collapse, beneath you. And that's what that communication did.

00;04;48;24 - 00;05;09;15
Heather Shtuka
I mean, could it I don't know if I, you know, the the actual text was like, hey, Heather, you know, Ryan didn't come home last night, and didn't show up at work today, and we filed the missing persons report, and or, you know, the police should be contacting you. I don't know, like, if there is a gentler way of saying it, can you ease into it?

00;05;09;22 - 00;05;36;08
Heather Shtuka
Is do you rip the bandage off? I don't think that there was any communication that could have been had in that moment, that would have made it better to take in, or would have made it less, challenging or heart wrenching or grief stricken. I just I don't think there was. But from that moment on, you know, it was the community, the all sorts of, venues of communication, like how we communicated with our daughters.

00;05;36;10 - 00;05;50;03
Heather Shtuka
And for me, I was I was in shock. Scott's in that, fixed mode. I have to go and get these things. I have to make a list. We got to pack the truck. We've got to do all these things. And I'm just like, what do you pack for something like this? Like, you know, how long will we be there?

00;05;50;03 - 00;06;23;04
Heather Shtuka
What do you need? What's going to happen with the girls? Like, what does this all mean? And you're just sitting there shell shocked, and then I look at the faces of my daughters, and you recognize that communication becomes key to them. Even. You know, those gentle lies that I told in the beginning that we never then told afterwards that the gentle lie that saying, you know, I your brothers, probably with some some girl or you know, and and just forgot his phone died and he's passed out and he had a good night and he decided to skip work all of those things that we knew not to be true.

00;06;23;04 - 00;06;42;25
Heather Shtuka
It was just not in his character. And, and he would never have missed work. And it just wasn't his personality. And yet you're willing to believe any lie that you can and you're willing to tell any lie that you can, just so that you can have perhaps 1 or 2 more minutes of being blissfully unaware. And so we did tell that gentle lie to the girls.

00;06;42;25 - 00;07;05;02
Heather Shtuka
And, you know, they they knew it for what it was, right? There was no, there. Like they knew their brother as, as, as much in that sense that we did. But after that, our communication had to become very clear with the girls. We had to there was no there there is a sense, because Julianna was 11 at the time and Jordan was 17, like, how much can they handle?

00;07;05;05 - 00;07;20;09
Heather Shtuka
But the fact is, is that it affected their life so profoundly that it I think it would have been a disservice not to at least be fair to them and give them what we thought they could handle. Now, the 17 year old is going to be able to handle a whole lot more information than the 11 year old.

00;07;20;13 - 00;07;44;10
Heather Shtuka
And that was at the beginning. However, as time went by, interestingly enough, you're out with, people, and people would come in to the command center. And Julianna would be so quiet. She's 11 years old, quiet. She's not in school. She's sitting there trying to keep herself busy or doing some schoolwork or whatever that she was doing, and people would forget her presence there.

00;07;44;12 - 00;08;09;14
Heather Shtuka
And then they would come up and feel the need, to tell me what they thought might have happened to Ryan. Not knowing maybe for some, maybe some maybe not caring as much and saying it so that, you know, she heard it, she heard it all. And I think in that sense, she got way more information than our daughter Jordan ever did, because she wasn't here really much at the time.

00;08;09;16 - 00;08;40;03
Heather Shtuka
And yet I look at Julianna and even now she's she'll be 20 in September and the how she absorbed it and took it in and was able to filter it and still retain this beautiful innocence about people is is incredible to me. So our communication, the communication between Scott and I was also really important. You know, I think up to that point we were almost, 23 years married.

00;08;40;03 - 00;09;00;26
Heather Shtuka
I mean, so communication is sort of know, like you've already established that pattern, but we had to rethink it. Right. Because we're telling each other the most difficult things, things that no parent should have had to her to hear. And, you don't know how to say it. And I think for us, we were lucky that we had other people with us at the time.

00;09;00;28 - 00;09;23;21
Heather Shtuka
So Scott was able to say his fears to his group and have that kind of open communication with them. I was able to have a very different type of communication with my friends. And then when we came together, we were able to talk about, you know, how our day went. Talk about the memories of Ryan, talk about what we loved most and, you know, the funny things and our frustrations.

00;09;23;21 - 00;09;44;00
Heather Shtuka
And it wasn't, sort of a competing exercise of, what you're doing or what you believe in. What I may believe at that time because what's happened to our son is that ambiguous loss. We actually have no idea what's happened to him. So, you know, we go up and down, ebb and flow about what we think.

00;09;44;00 - 00;10;03;03
Heather Shtuka
And so I might be on a very different, stage and coming into thinking one thing. And Scott's very differently, thinking something else. And that can, that can cause a lot of strife when you're talking to one another. And we had to learn how to set that aside and actually hear one another, because that's the other part of communication, right?

00;10;03;04 - 00;10;21;26
Heather Shtuka
You can you can talk for someone to, to, respond or you can talk so that that and the other person's should be listening. Right. And so we had to really define that and how that was going to go. Right. And that's just with our friends and our family and our loved ones. That isn't even communication out in the world.

00;10;21;26 - 00;10;22;05
Heather Shtuka
Right?

00;10;22;05 - 00;10;38;22
Tim Conrad
Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, as emergency responders moved out, your search team moved in. The communication tools, what communication tools did you use among that team in public communications and anything you learned along the way, such as what you would do differently?

00;10;38;25 - 00;10;59;01
Heather Shtuka
Well, I mean, you know, we had one day of of searching on that Sunday and then they went home. Now, mind you, Search and Rescue did come back the following Saturday, but by that time they were doing the exact same things that we were doing. It wasn't rescue, it was recovery. And so it was hard. Despite their expertise.

00;10;59;01 - 00;11;24;29
Heather Shtuka
It was hard at that time to feel like they were any different than us, as volunteers going out or the family looking because we're all just looking. And so, you know, when we came together and had, the command center, everything, everything happened almost accidentally. However, we did have a network and a set of skills that that was easily applicable to our situation.

00;11;25;06 - 00;11;50;16
Heather Shtuka
So Scott had networking with, people within his industry, so was able to get equipment that, that perhaps not everybody would be able to get. You know, I, was doing internal communications, external communications with my job at the airline. And so, you know, I just take, some I took those lessons, like making sure you're thinking people sincerely making sure you're outlining your expectations, that sort of thing.

00;11;50;16 - 00;12;20;07
Heather Shtuka
And so, you know, bringing that in when you're commanding, people are setting them up for success to go out and search you. We, we we took all of those pieces and we made them into, sort of what we always came and said, it is no longer about us as individuals. You know, I said to my parents to like, when they came to work at the command center and like, you need to put whatever your, thought process is behind you.

00;12;20;10 - 00;12;47;28
Heather Shtuka
And we are now working for Ryan. So we are all under this umbrella for Ryan, Tim, Ryan, whatever you want to call it. And so you need to be more than you ever thought you could be because, I mean, if, you know, in communication, you can spend a lifetime building up a brand or, you know, having established, you know, trust with within, your entity that you're working on, and it takes little to no time for you to run it 30s.

00;12;47;28 - 00;13;09;22
Heather Shtuka
And you could ruin everything. And so we always thought it's important for us to, to continue to advocate, to search and find Ryan. And we had to make sure that we did that in a way that was honorable, that, that we were clear about. We were transparent about, and it was for Ryan. We couldn't we couldn't lose any of that momentum right now.

00;13;09;26 - 00;13;10;15
Heather Shtuka
So.

00;13;10;18 - 00;13;24;10
Tim Conrad
Yeah. Yeah. No. And it's so true. And you used a lot of, you know, use the Facebook group was a main tool that I saw. What other types of things that you use to communicate with people? Whether it's in person or online.

00;13;24;12 - 00;13;41;00
Heather Shtuka
We always the Facebook again, was accidental. I think that the, the fact that I did post is that, you know, you kept getting this notifications coming from Facebook. Have you found them? Have you found, people we didn't know because they just they stumbled across it. And then they were checking in to see what the status was.

00;13;41;03 - 00;14;04;16
Heather Shtuka
And instead of constantly replying to each one, which can be, tiring and and we didn't have the time for that, I decided to do one post. And then for me, that was cathartic. And then we continued on and that was the our main, frame of reference to get the information out. Now, certainly we did lots of, news, was was very prevalent in those first, a couple of weeks.

00;14;04;16 - 00;14;17;01
Heather Shtuka
And months is that we had, news reporters come out. They covered the story quite a bit. We had some podcasts, things like that. So that helped generate. But I think our biggest platform would have been Facebook.

00;14;17;04 - 00;14;18;19
Tim Conrad
Yeah. And then a lot of in-person.

00;14;18;21 - 00;14;39;04
Heather Shtuka
And a lot of in-person, certainly in the command center. We were talking about Ryan. We were having you know, we had over 1100 volunteers that came out, to search for Ryan over the space of that four and a half months, the majority of them had come up more than once. And so you get to know them. And for me, I think that was the other thing that, you know, I, I recognize that was my thing.

00;14;39;04 - 00;14;54;16
Heather Shtuka
And if you asked Scott, he would have sitting there going, it was the one thing that he hated most of all is that, you know, don't get argue with me argument with me, because I will remember what you were wearing when we had the discussion. I will remember exactly what the weather was like and all of those things.

00;14;54;21 - 00;15;15;03
Heather Shtuka
So for some reason, I was able to translate that and use that when people come in. I could remember the things about them that they they came in last time. So how is your mother? How's your and and for me, that was sincere. Like it was it was my only way of connecting with people, who were coming up and giving of themselves to search for my son.

00;15;15;05 - 00;15;40;04
Heather Shtuka
So you can't you can't make that up. You have to be genuine and and and for me, that was that was the one thing that I could make to connect. Because not all the time I could remember people's names. And that's, I think, my biggest heartbreak now. Yeah. Even though people will understand it, it hurts me to know that someone comes up and they're like, I came up on the bus, or I was on the plane, or I came up, and I drove for whatever to come up and search for your son.

00;15;40;04 - 00;15;57;11
Heather Shtuka
And I'm like, I don't I don't remember them. But they played such a huge part and gave us so much comfort and joy. The fact that they came up and gave of themselves, and I can't remember now. They understand that. But I, you know, it's hard.

00;15;57;13 - 00;16;21;05
Tim Conrad
A little break from the interview to tell you about my little caterpillar Butterfly Effect Communications. We are proud to support a wide range of organizations from First Nations to local government. We excel at working in remote and rural populations, helping you navigate issues, crisis, emergencies, and disasters. While we are masters of doom and gloom, we do regular public relations, public participation and public awareness for almost anything.

00;16;21;11 - 00;16;43;19
Tim Conrad
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00;16;43;19 - 00;17;04;24
Tim Conrad
Butterfly Effect Communications, aka. So we're we're standing in front of the host. Yep. Where Ryan went missing, where he was last seen. So. And, can you tell me about where we're about to walk and and what are the possibilities? You said there's possible that maybe he would have gone to the right here. So we're on Burfield Drive here in in, Sun Peaks.

00;17;04;24 - 00;17;26;29
Heather Shtuka
At the route. And the the possibilities that we're discussing come from. If Ryan walked out of the house and went missing on his own, it does not really take into account the other form that if somebody was responsible for Ryan to go missing. So I just I want to preface that with that because I never want people to think, because I think because I've been so vocal about it.

00;17;26;29 - 00;17;42;18
Heather Shtuka
People honestly believe that I only think one thing and it's not true. It's the one thing we focus on because it's the only thing we can. So we are doing this journey as if Ryan had walked out of here, and somehow went missing on his own with nobody else in sort of involved in that.

00;17;42;18 - 00;17;58;16
Tim Conrad
Yeah, absolutely. So, yeah. So let's, let's take a walk down here. This is, I think to I was here that season later, as we talked about about a month later, came here and, a significant amount of snow that season. So I remember the snow banks were.

00;17;58;19 - 00;17;59;08
Heather Shtuka
Anywhere for.

00;17;59;08 - 00;18;00;22
Tim Conrad
The higher than a vehicle.

00;18;00;24 - 00;18;34;11
Heather Shtuka
8 to 14ft. We measured at some points. And if you look on these sides here, like a lot of these places are new. But during the time seven years ago, a lot of places were under construction. So there was some, I wouldn't say abandoned buildings, but buildings that were, were being worked on, and renovated and, a lot of these places, if you look, we thought for the first week that, they were just duplexes, did not recognize that, some of these places, had apartments underneath them.

00;18;34;11 - 00;18;35;09
Heather Shtuka
So they're actually four.

00;18;35;13 - 00;18;36;08
Tim Conrad


00;18;36;10 - 00;18;55;21
Heather Shtuka
So that that makes a difference, too, because we there was so much snow. And if you notice, there's no real sidewalk. Yeah. So they really now if certain times a year this time from I think April 1st until end of October, you can park on the right side and then and the other months you can park on the left side.

00;18;55;23 - 00;19;29;01
Heather Shtuka
But at that time cars were parked on both sides of the street. You also notice there's no, street lights, so it's can be pretty dark. You've got high levels of snow 18 to 14ft, and you've got cars parked all the way across because you don't have just a couple people in here. Yeah, you have several. And every house, if you had a, fourplex, you could have had 4 or 5, maybe six people living in one up in the top and then more in the basement.

00;19;29;01 - 00;19;57;19
Heather Shtuka
So there's quite a few. If there's cars, there's quite a few, traffic in here. You can't see unless someone has security lights on it. So just it was if you could look at a night to have gone missing between the the frigid temperatures, the fact that it was snowing, the fact that the snow, it was a record year for snowfall and there was so many cars on both sides of the road, it's really difficult.

00;19;57;21 - 00;20;04;13
Heather Shtuka
To imagine how you get from one place to another, how he could have, you know, gone missing.

00;20;04;13 - 00;20;25;02
Tim Conrad
Absolutely. And it's, you know, when you're being out here, just even this was a fairly normal season this year. Yeah, we were, up on top of the hill. And if there's, 100cm of snow, you're not going far. Once you're into that, it's not easy to move and you're going to lose a, a lot of calories in the process.

00;20;25;02 - 00;20;25;18
Tim Conrad
Yeah.

00;20;25;20 - 00;20;26;15
Heather Shtuka
Absolutely.

00;20;26;22 - 00;20;27;24
Tim Conrad
It's not easy going.

00;20;27;24 - 00;20;53;08
Heather Shtuka
So. So there's a couple of places we just took the Blue Jay Chalet. That was another at that time was another place that, that the they could go. So the house that we were originally where he was at was called the Sunday Fun Day House. Yeah. Then you had the Blue Jay chalet, and there's bars down here, and then there was, Wolf at the end here, Wolf Creek.

00;20;53;11 - 00;21;27;24
Heather Shtuka
So there is a couple of places that the locals would come, usually with the lefties, I would say mostly, or the seasonal workers would come and would spend their time, at one of these places. So I know I always where we talk about it and people always say the party house or the house that had a party, and maybe that's a great I know it's semantics when you talk about a party or, or a whether it was a gathering, but it was, controlled in the sense that they would go from one house to another, depending on, the weekend.

00;21;27;24 - 00;21;49;06
Heather Shtuka
So this particular night that, Ryan went missing, it, the people congregated at the Sunday Funday house. So when he came out to go to Ryan's house, he should have just come out and turned. Right. And if you see, you'll go all the way down to the end of this, the road where Burchfield meets, fairways, and he should have taken left.

00;21;49;06 - 00;22;05;17
Heather Shtuka
And if you drop right down there, there's a path that will take them up. Now they're doing constructions. I think there's looks like there's, buildings going up or accommodations. So I that's closed off now. But he should have come down and just popped up right by his, his house. Yeah. The end of the trail pops up.

00;22;05;17 - 00;22;25;11
Heather Shtuka
There's his house. It's it's possible because his roommate, James, they they came and they were on this side, the opposite side of the road. A lot of times they had been to only Sunday funded house, I think a couple of times in the two and a half months they've been here, I think they've been on the other side, maybe a couple more.

00;22;25;11 - 00;22;48;23
Heather Shtuka
And so when they James came out, he turned right. And then and so that led them towards the end of Burfield Drive. At some point, he recognized that he was going the wrong way, although you can come back, it's really difficult to see what the snow and no lights. And if you're not familiar with the area, you probably take taken that you would have turned around and come back on your on the road that you were familiar with.

00;22;48;23 - 00;23;06;08
Heather Shtuka
And so James recognized that he was going the wrong way. He turned himself around and then headed and went back to his house using the normal route. We we just don't know at this point in time, if Ryan left the house and if he left the house, did he turn left? Didn't turn right. Right.

00;23;06;13 - 00;23;23;00
Tim Conrad
Yeah. So that and that's a challenge. Yeah. So let's, well, wander back this way again. And, so in the first 24 hours of searching, you received a phone call from someone, using Ryan's number, and they masked it to make it appear as though they were calling from his phone.

00;23;23;04 - 00;23;24;18
Heather Shtuka
Yes.

00;23;24;20 - 00;23;35;14
Tim Conrad
So that obviously had an impact on you. I'm curious about how misinformation that's part of it came there. How does that impact families and searches?

00;23;35;16 - 00;24;09;26
Heather Shtuka
You know, and that, I mean, that was just one drop in the bucket. It was the most horrifying, for me because I was sitting in the command center, and, you know, the phone rings. And at this time, it's only Monday, maybe Tuesday. So it's only been gone for two days, and when the police left us that night or the search or Kamloops search and rescue, they had said, you know, we didn't find Ryan, but, you know, we've asked the public to look for, you know, to keep an eye out for their outbuildings, sheds and stuff like that.

00;24;09;28 - 00;24;27;24
Heather Shtuka
So there's a there's this possibility that you never want to imagine the worst has happened to your child. You want to hold on to hope as long as you can. And so we thought, okay, well, maybe Ryan, got caught up in one of the buildings that was being renovated. He passed out. He got cold, or he just was disoriented or whatever it was.

00;24;27;24 - 00;24;49;21
Heather Shtuka
And he's there. He's not doing well, but he's still he's still there. And so, you know, when that phone rang on the Tuesday, I was sitting out outside of the command center, just having a moment, just taking a breath. And I see Ryan's name come up on my phone and but it's an iPhone, message. It's not like an actual phone call.

00;24;49;21 - 00;25;08;13
Heather Shtuka
It was done through an iPhone app or something like that. But I don't recognize that email. I just see his name and all the emojis that, had chosen like it was. I think there was, a monkey and stuff like that because that he was always very mischievous as a child. But anyways, and I picked it up and it was this prank call.

00;25;08;15 - 00;25;30;15
Heather Shtuka
It was some southern old woman asking about toilet paper. And then, like, you've been pranked by so-and-so, and I'm just horrified. I don't know who would have done this. Why would they have done this? What satisfaction you got from it. And I just remember being so broken at that moment. If if there was a catalyst to to just do it.

00;25;30;15 - 00;25;55;19
Heather Shtuka
Up until that time, I think I was we were shell shocked. But in that moment it broke me. And I remember we had, one of the, coworker from, my company had, had come out and he was sitting there and he had had experience in law enforcement previously. And so he picked up and he was just he was trying to figure it all out.

00;25;55;21 - 00;26;32;11
Heather Shtuka
And I'm glad in that moment he was there because I think he provided me some stability. He was able to sit there and go, okay, like these are the things that could have happened. So he was able to sort of walk me through it, and I just remember horrified, obviously. And then someone said to me. I know it was horrifying for you, Heather, but are you not happier that you received it rather, and not in that sense, like happy that you got it, but that you didn't like it wasn't sitting down, your phone wasn't turned over, you, hadn't looked at it.

00;26;32;11 - 00;26;55;13
Heather Shtuka
And then you were to look over and to see, this, the number come up from your son, and you missed it because I would never have known it would have been a prank. And I could have gone through the rest of my life wondering if in that moment, Ryan was calling because he needed to. He needed me, or he he needed to be rescued, or he needed help, or he was in dire straits.

00;26;55;16 - 00;27;20;05
Heather Shtuka
And I missed it. And so I look at that, and again, I think that was that was that moment where you sit there and you make decisions whether you're going to look for the things that the silver linings. And even as horrific as that was, I am glad that I took that phone call. If it had to come to me, I'm glad I took it rather than ignored it and always wondered, yeah, but but that's just I mean, that was one piece.

00;27;20;05 - 00;27;53;29
Heather Shtuka
But then, you know, for families going through this, there are so many people out there that are horrific, like they will go from group to group to group. If you've you've conducted these Facebook groups and they will they will go on their to see the most vile things. I think in hopes of getting some sort of reaction from, family members that are already going through the most horrible moments of their life, and they, they get some sort of perverse satisfaction out of it.

00;27;54;01 - 00;28;21;01
Heather Shtuka
And so, of course, that was we were we were not anticipating that. We were not expecting anything like that. And for people to come and create secret groups where they could speculate and they could make fun of us as family members, grieving or heartbroken, where they could sort of shift blame and say that we must have been at fault for this, or we're hindering an investigation, like all of those things and misinformation that they spread.

00;28;21;07 - 00;28;59;04
Heather Shtuka
I you know, I don't mind if people are passionate. I don't mind if people want to speculate. We don't allow it on our page. But that's a natural course of what people do. But when they don't have the information, right, and they still go and feel like there's and there's so adamant about it, and that they'll put it on there, what it does is it leads to a whole bunch of misinformation and a case in point for us would have been, the, the whole November that there was a CBC, interview that came out that was interviewing and one, somebody that was up in Fairways all the way up

00;28;59;04 - 00;29;16;24
Heather Shtuka
towards the, the village, heard someone they said at the end of the night to get me up car, get in the car. And they did report it to the police, and the police took it and said, okay, well, let's look through it, and there's nothing to really validate. We can't go any further. We've investigated as far as we can.

00;29;16;27 - 00;29;36;11
Heather Shtuka
So it'll be just in this column that unless there's more information, there's not much we can do with it. And when they said it, we had been here for four months at that time and nobody had ever mentioned it was the first time we'd ever heard of it. But that just started this stream of everybody and even now people are like, oh, it's absolutely the truth.

00;29;36;11 - 00;29;53;16
Heather Shtuka
And I'm like, it could have been. It could have been related to Ryan. We don't we don't know. But also the fact is, if you look at where we are now, Ryan would have had to walk all the way down to the end of, Burfield, turn right and go all the way into the village. If you try to walk that even now, on a beautiful day, it's about 25 minutes.

00;29;53;18 - 00;30;03;06
Heather Shtuka
Right. So we're talking -26. Could have done it. Absolutely. Had you ever done it before at this time of night? Never. So does it it mean that that couldn't have happened?

00;30;03;07 - 00;30;03;25
Tim Conrad
Yeah.

00;30;03;27 - 00;30;26;11
Heather Shtuka
It does. It means it might not have been relatable to Ryan, right? Yeah. I would say that it's hard to to navigate when you're trying to already, have information. And we've been very transparent. I think that's what people don't understand is that I didn't know any better. So what? I've done things differently. Maybe, I don't know, but I've always been very transparent about.

00;30;26;13 - 00;30;56;04
Heather Shtuka
So anything about the case? There's nothing I know that you don't know that you couldn't have read in any of the interviews that I've done in any of the, the statements or anything on his Facebook post. If, if you were to look, you would know exactly everything that I know. So we were always transparent and then you have to, so to go in and countermand that with all this misinformation that people feel so strongly about, and then it just takes on this wave.

00;30;56;06 - 00;31;01;17
Heather Shtuka
Yeah. Then it's hard to get out from under. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, I think that would be the most difficult thing.

00;31;01;24 - 00;31;14;18
Tim Conrad
Yeah. Understood. Yeah. That's really good. Good information for people to understand. And, and hopefully some of those people out there that are doing some of that thinking that they're helping, maybe, we'll reconsider that. And well.

00;31;14;20 - 00;31;35;28
Heather Shtuka
You see it over and over again. I always say this, this one thing, the one thing that I hate the most, is, people saying someone knows something. It's not that I don't believe that that could be the case. Absolutely. You have to. You have to believe everything. But I'm always like. If I always feel to feel defensive when people say that because I'm like, yes, that's true.

00;31;36;00 - 00;31;55;10
Heather Shtuka
But you and they're so adamant about it, they want to sit there and say, no, no, no, I know it. Somebody knows somebody, something knows somebody. And I'm like, so you want me to wake up every single day? Good day, bad day. Doesn't matter. Every single day for the last seven years. You want me to wake up thinking every morning that something horrific has happened to my son?

00;31;55;12 - 00;32;13;15
Heather Shtuka
Because when you see it, someone knows something. It's not like Ryan's living with unicorns, eating, you know, his, cookie dough ice cream every single day and having the best life ever. If somebody knows something that it's because something horrific happened to my son. That's what you want me to think every day. Like, give me a break from it.

00;32;13;15 - 00;32;36;29
Heather Shtuka
Like I still. It's not that I don't go to bed thinking about it. Just give me a break from it. You don't need to remind me every single day that that's the only thing that I can think of. Right? And we say that over time and people still do it. Yeah, like I can say it. And I'm a broken record and I'm the mother, and people are still come up and like, no, someone knows something like, thank you.

00;32;37;01 - 00;33;23;02
Tim Conrad
I really want to thank the listeners and viewers out there for sticking with us as we navigated some difficult moments over the last year. Unfortunately, we've lost our momentum and are looking for your help as we produce episodes. We have listeners from all over. Here are some of the communities that listen to our episode on volunteer management with Karen Knight. Alamogordo, Anchorage, Brantford, Bridgewater, Brooklyn, Calgary, Dartmouth, Dawson Creek, Friendswood, Hobart, Honolulu, Kamloops, Kingston, Lloydminster, Los Angeles, Medicine Lake, Millbrook, Montréal, Nepean, New Milford, New Westminster, New York, Newburyport, Oak Harbor, Oceanside, Ocoee, Ottawa, Parksville, Peterlee, Pierrefonds, Selma, Springfield, The Dalles, Toronto, Vancouver, and West Babylon.

00;33;23;04 - 00;33;35;21
Tim Conrad
What amazing support. Thank you. We need you to keep sharing, writing and rating. Jump over to communications podcast.com. Every little bit helps to make this podcast better.

00;33;35;24 - 00;33;59;22
Heather Shtuka
April 27th, 2018. Over the past ten weeks, I have encountered more superheroes than in any movie I will ever see. Living, breathing, walking definitions of what it means to be someone's hero. The best part of being a superhero is that they know their own strengths. Superman couldn't spin webs. Batman wasn't using his Hulk like strength to fight bad guys.

00;33;59;25 - 00;34;13;19
Heather Shtuka
Wonder woman wasn't wearing baggy sweats and sneakers. Well, you get the picture. And yet, every superhero is remembered and revered because when called upon, they used their extraordinary abilities to make the world a better place.

00;34;13;21 - 00;34;26;12
Tim Conrad
Certainly touch on everybody's mental well-being in your in your book. And, and you tell people, about, you know, people like Daniel, your, your therapist that came.

00;34;26;12 - 00;34;27;03
Heather Shtuka
And Daniel.

00;34;27;04 - 00;34;40;13
Tim Conrad
And, and others. And I'm curious what you did to protect your mental well-being as you balance being parents. Still, because you have two daughters at home and and leading a search.

00;34;40;15 - 00;35;03;15
Heather Shtuka
You know, I think those first, well, the first couple of months, especially with the misinformation in the secret group, that, was formed where they just took posts that I had done and they would screenshot it and put it in the secret group. And then they would make fun, like like something. This is what, what I would have chosen in my life for people to to talk about and know about.

00;35;03;18 - 00;35;31;25
Heather Shtuka
And so there's a certain part of you that, you know, if you've never really been I mean, everybody, not everybody likes you, I get that. And I'm under no false illusions that, you know, you can, do something, and people just automatically think you're the best. I know that's not life. I know that's not reality. But I just didn't expect, to be a grieving parent who was trying to be transparent, trying to advocate for my child, to have, people.

00;35;31;25 - 00;35;55;22
Heather Shtuka
So, so cruel, like, so unnecessarily cruel. And so that took a lot. That was, that was a huge part of my mental struggles. I think, is that you had to navigate the fact that people were ugly. A bit. But I have to say that was a very small percentage. 99% of the people that came onto the page were very supportive.

00;35;55;28 - 00;36;16;21
Heather Shtuka
So I think that helped balance it out a little bit. But I remember when we first came in, and because it's the moment, we find Ryan, you know, this town is going to see nothing but my tail lights. I will never step another foot back here. And we thought, okay, fair enough. That makes sense. This is where, you know, we lost, the brightest light in our family, and.

00;36;16;23 - 00;36;35;20
Heather Shtuka
And I get that. And yet, you know, within minutes, we kept getting notifications from our friends and our family saying here. What? What do you need from us? What do you need? And then, you know, we were in this town and and the people within those first seconds were. What can we do to help? Let us get to here.

00;36;35;20 - 00;37;03;05
Heather Shtuka
Let's do this. And and, I think that changed our whole outlook on everything. And we said in that moment to ourselves, that we would try to find the silver linings, because if we did not, then what it did was we always thought Ryan's life was a gift to us and to think of it any other way and not look for that.

00;37;03;07 - 00;37;34;02
Heather Shtuka
Was it just diminished what what he meant to us? And we just we couldn't let that happen. And so we tried to look for the silver linings. And I think when you, adopt that or you you can and we're talking about the most difficult situation. So I'm not saying it's easy. But the silver lining came from the fact that we had such community support, that we were cared for and loved for by, you know, the community of Beaumont where we came from, Kamloops.

00;37;34;02 - 00;37;52;24
Heather Shtuka
And, Whitecroft and Sun Peaks. You know, across the world, across Canada, this love and support. And so for us, it was it was easier when you started having that and you knew that on the days that we couldn't stand that there'd be somebody behind you that was going to help you, get to that, that position.

00;37;52;26 - 00;38;13;20
Heather Shtuka
And so that really meant a lot. And I think then you start looking at it all, and I think it soothes that mental part of it. And also, when Danielle, when we had her for grief therapy, it was after the phone call in, of course, I'm devastated. I'm now thinking about all these horrific things. Who would be this cruel?

00;38;13;20 - 00;38;20;25
Heather Shtuka
Because then you think there's somebody must have been responsible for Ryan's disappearance. And then they sent this to to further taunt.

00;38;21;01 - 00;38;22;07
Tim Conrad


00;38;22;09 - 00;38;45;26
Heather Shtuka
And, you know, to I remember her coming in and she's like, you can only stick with the facts. Yeah. You knew Ryan was here and then he wasn't. And we don't know whether he went willingly or unwillingly or knowingly, but Ryan was no longer where he was supposed to be, and he didn't come home. And then we have him as a disappearance.

00;38;45;29 - 00;39;09;13
Heather Shtuka
And so she's like the the the challenge is, is that you think about all the, the, the things that, could have happened to him. Then you start viewing the world through that same lens. So if I thought that somebody had done something horrific to Ryan, I would be constantly, without knowing anything. I could be looking out at the world going, was it you?

00;39;09;20 - 00;39;25;28
Heather Shtuka
Was it you? Was it you? And I just I didn't want to do that. I thought, I will I will face that in the moment that if I were to find out tomorrow that somebody was responsible for Ryan's disappearance, you never have to worry if I'm going to be angry, if I'm not going to be able to accept it.

00;39;26;04 - 00;39;51;01
Heather Shtuka
We've been prepared for this for a long time. But I think that helped with our mental health is to stick with the facts that we knew and to look for the silver linings. And then on top of that, for me, that, that ability to sit there and go, if Ryan was able to come back and see what people have done in his name in the last seven years, he would.

00;39;51;08 - 00;40;09;21
Heather Shtuka
And if I could trade places with him, I would in a heartbeat, as would any other parent, I'm sure. But neither of those gifts are going to be given to us. And so I never want to meet my son one day, and I believe I will in some form or fashion, and have him be so disappointed in me and say, you squandered what I would have hoarded.

00;40;09;24 - 00;40;28;27
Heather Shtuka
I would have come back. I would have breathe deeply. I would have loved more. I would have appreciated the life and you had it, and you chose to squander it on grief alone. And I thought, I'm not. That is not what we're going to do. So we're going to find a way to survive. And hopefully along the way we'll find a way to thrive.

00;40;28;27 - 00;40;48;22
Heather Shtuka
And I think part of that was finding some sort of purpose, because there's no reason for Ryan to have gone missing, but maybe there's a purpose that can come from it. Yeah. And and that would be advocating for other families. Right. So for us, that was it. The communication piece takes the big thing and in mental health as well.

00;40;48;24 - 00;41;10;03
Heather Shtuka
And we thought our girls had lost so much that it was important for us to make sure that we didn't actively participate in them losing more. Like some families find it difficult to celebrate, holidays go on trips, or let their kids go out and experience life and do those sort of things. And we thought, we're never going to.

00;41;10;05 - 00;41;11;28
Heather Shtuka
Our fears can not be theirs. Yeah.

00;41;12;00 - 00;41;12;08
Tim Conrad
Yeah.

00;41;12;15 - 00;41;14;08
Heather Shtuka
So that's what we do. Yeah.

00;41;14;10 - 00;41;35;01
Tim Conrad
So and so what was that impact like on your your family and that immediate that after like what how you know you had two girls at home and you've you've got parents and other cousins and things around you. You were a close family from what I gather. Like family was a big part of of your unit. Yeah. Right.

00;41;35;01 - 00;41;38;15
Tim Conrad
Yeah, yeah. So what what,

00;41;38;18 - 00;41;58;20
Heather Shtuka
You know, I think our girls are amazingly strong. You know, I think if Ryan had to choose a family, to come into, he he certainly chose the most stubborn. And we have dark humor, so that probably helps us through, as a family, we use dark humor, which is probably not necessarily appreciative by other people.

00;41;58;20 - 00;42;20;05
Heather Shtuka
So we keep that sort of in-house. But, you know, yes, the girls were terrified. I think in that moment, scared. And neither one of them, they're at that. They're at that age where they don't want to be the subject of, like everybody looking at them. They don't want to be the center of attention, certainly not in the negative way.

00;42;20;05 - 00;42;45;07
Heather Shtuka
They're at that. They're at that stage. Or maybe, maybe my girls are just very much not wanting to be the center of attention. So I think the difficult part was Jordan. She was in high school. She was in her last year going into school and having the pitying looks from everybody, the sad looks. I found it difficult when I came back to, Beaumont for the first time, going through the the grocery store, and I always needed to have an exit strategy.

00;42;45;07 - 00;43;00;26
Heather Shtuka
I need to have something. I'm like, I'm prepared to drop everything if I go in and I just need this and I'm not feeling up to it, and somebody wants to ask those questions like, how long do you think you're going to search? Or do you really think he's up there? You know, that sort of thing? And I'm like, okay, you know, I just I can't deal with it.

00;43;01;02 - 00;43;22;14
Heather Shtuka
I got to go. And so I don't Jordan didn't have that sort of, exit strategy. And so I think it was difficult having to go there and have to go through the worst moments. But for her, she couldn't stay at home either. She didn't didn't she had to go to school. She, she had to graduate. That was those were the goals that she had set for herself.

00;43;22;14 - 00;43;39;26
Heather Shtuka
She wasn't to she she was committed to doing that. So but home being by yourself or having Scott's mom was there for a while and my brother and sister in law were there, and she just felt like this. Not even my house anymore. Like, these people are in it, and I can't grieve in that way. So I think it was difficult for them.

00;43;40;00 - 00;44;07;06
Heather Shtuka
Yeah. But they're strong and they're resilient. And I think that shows up now, although we do see little things now, like not not big, but just, you know, we're again close as a family. And so, you know, it'll show up in different ways. The girls not wanting that, letting us know where they are or for Jordan, our 25 year old, because of mine, she has my, location on her phone.

00;44;07;06 - 00;44;33;13
Heather Shtuka
That's important for her. Yeah. So, you know, she'll be like, hey, I see your at this restaurant. Like you've been there for a bit. Do you need me to come get you or something along the lines? So, you know, I, I recognize that at my best stage, my season, part of my life, I'm still. I feel like I'm now, you know, having to make sure that, I'm well aware of where my girls, they know where I am.

00;44;33;16 - 00;44;49;28
Heather Shtuka
And it's funny, because I. Jordan's, for some reason, doesn't show up on her, on on my phone, so I don't know where she is. But the youngest one do, so we sort of we that's one of the biggest things. They always want to know where we are when we're coming home, that sort of thing, so that it shows up in those small ways.

00;44;49;28 - 00;45;04;23
Heather Shtuka
But I think that I think the girls are brilliant, they're resilient. They're intelligent, they're carrying, they're loving, like they're just all of those things. And none of those have been diminished by, Ryan's disappearance.

00;45;04;25 - 00;45;21;19
Tim Conrad
Yeah. So that's that's wonderful to hear that they're, you know, I do find children are, they are very resilient to to things that they're met with. And, and obviously they do need a, a support network around them, but they, they do well to, to adjust to.

00;45;21;19 - 00;45;44;16
Heather Shtuka
What they did. They had they both had great support systems in their friends. And we have this I would say our extended friends are our family. And so they supported them in ways that, I could never, truly, ever be able to express my gratitude for them because they saved us and they really saved our girls.

00;45;44;18 - 00;45;53;02
Tim Conrad
Yeah. That's great. And so what, what do you want to tell other families, that are looking for their loved ones?

00;45;53;05 - 00;46;21;12
Heather Shtuka
You know, I think people there's no handbook, right? There's there's. You're walking in blind. I couldn't have told you. One person from the time up until Ryan went missing, that I knew of anybody that had got had a child that had gone missing. So you don't know how to navigate this at all. You have. And I think what's really terrifying is that, because you don't know, you've never experienced it before.

00;46;21;15 - 00;46;50;10
Heather Shtuka
You have no idea that everybody goes home. Eventually. You've got search and rescue. We had one day, again, I will say that we had more days after, but the one, one day, other families have received a week. And and unfortunately for us, there's no transparency, for families across the board. Depends on what law enforcement is handling, the situation, what the circumstances are, perhaps the time of year, all of these things.

00;46;50;10 - 00;47;14;12
Heather Shtuka
But we as parents are and perhaps even the public don't know what those parameters or criteria are. And so it always seems very unbalanced. Why we got one day and somebody else gets 4 or 5. Now I don't want somebody else not to have 4 or 5. I would love to have across the board everybody to have the, you know, unlimited time until their loved one is found and brought home.

00;47;14;14 - 00;47;33;22
Heather Shtuka
It's not realistic, but it doesn't mean that I don't I don't want that. It's just that it just doesn't happen that way. And so, you know, you have to plan and prepare for when they do go home, when search and rescue goes home, when law enforcement says, okay, you know, we had that on your way out of town tomorrow or the next day.

00;47;33;22 - 00;47;57;17
Heather Shtuka
Stop by. Well, you haven't found him and so do you want us just to wait until the snow melts and someone trips over him like trash, like what? What parent wants that to happen? But everybody goes home. And so you need to plan and prepare for that. But you've never been put in a situation. And so it's it's understanding things like that, the knowing that there can be resources out there that you have to tap into them.

00;47;57;24 - 00;48;20;12
Heather Shtuka
And I think the biggest thing that parents or family members of missing loved ones need to know is that you are now thrust in the role of an advocate, and if you want something done, unfortunately you have to advocate for it and strongly. And don't take no for an answer. And don't listen to them when they say you, you have to have it 24 hours before you can report the missing.

00;48;20;14 - 00;48;59;13
Heather Shtuka
Absolutely not absolute. If this was your child, that's what I had said to, the superintendent when we first came up here. Because there was so many things that we couldn't do, we couldn't get search and rescue in to do certain things that were, volunteer search, rescue, not tasks by the RCMP. And I remember saying to the RCMP officer, superintendent, so if this was your child, if this was your loved one, tell me what you'd want to have done, what you need to have done and what you would pay to have done, and then tell me what those are so that I can do that.

00;48;59;15 - 00;49;22;17
Heather Shtuka
And there was no answer for that. And I'm like, well, it would if you knew and you've had experience, what would you do as a, as a parent to search for your loved one? What what resources would you throw at it? Like what what do you have like and and and provide that to parents so that they can make a decision and they can have those resources in their back pocket and access them as well.

00;49;22;23 - 00;49;45;08
Heather Shtuka
But nobody across the board will give you that. And that's that's a hard thing, because if you don't know, you have to advocate, you think you're advocating hard, but it might not be enough to keep them moving and keep them going. April 9th, 2018. Yesterday I cleaned the house we were renting. Today I made banana pancakes for Juliana's breakfast.

00;49;45;11 - 00;50;07;14
Heather Shtuka
So mundane, so ordinary. I have forgotten what normal feels like or even means. I hadn't recognized the simplest of tasks would forever become my new, simplest pleasures. I longed to be normal, to be utterly bored by my life. Is it human nature to forever be dissatisfied by where you are in your life, at any given time, to push the boundaries?

00;50;07;16 - 00;50;27;15
Heather Shtuka
I believe that it was important to stand on the precipice, looking as far as my eyes would go, and forever leap to challenge myself and my ever changing beliefs. Now I would trade almost anything to see my family hold my son safe and my life the way it was safe, normal, mundane.

00;50;27;18 - 00;50;35;27
Tim Conrad
So what is one book, documentary, or resource that you recommend to those, learning about crisis emergency management or those searching?

00;50;35;29 - 00;50;56;21
Heather Shtuka
You know what? I honestly, I wish I could tell you, a bunch of names, but in that moment, I still have not found a book. That, ever touched, on a situation quite like ours. There might be. I just could never locate, one at all. So, we we relied really on, on sourcing our own, resources.

00;50;56;21 - 00;51;17;09
Heather Shtuka
And so missing for me, the book obviously has, some of those resources listed in there. But one of the things that we did, is that we, with another family that had gone through similar situations, we co-founded, the Free Bird Project, which is a nonprofit that provides resources and supports for families of missing loved ones.

00;51;17;09 - 00;51;36;10
Heather Shtuka
And so what it does is it allows people if they feel comfortable and want to reach out to us, they certainly can. But otherwise they can go through and list by province, within their provinces, some of the resources that are available to them to search and rescue, whether they're tasked by the RCMP or local law enforcement or whether they're volunteer.

00;51;36;10 - 00;51;46;22
Heather Shtuka
And then you can reach out to them and, and help. So we provide those so that people can go look through, have information sheets, fact sheets, what to do within the first 24 hours, 48 hours, that sort of thing.

00;51;46;22 - 00;52;00;14
Tim Conrad
So yeah, great. That's that's wonderful. And yeah, I do want to plug your book missing for me because it does give a, a person a sense of like, because you have a lot of your journal entries in there as you went along, but you also put in a lot that sort of backs up what the experience was like.

00;52;00;14 - 00;52;14;12
Tim Conrad
And those things that you did think about day to day and, and some of the things you maybe would have done differently. So, absolutely. And what advice would you give information officers or communicators managing a crisis or emergency that would help them to perform their job more effectively?

00;52;14;14 - 00;52;37;27
Heather Shtuka
I would say probably three things. I think one is transparency. I think, you know, families want to know what is being done, to bring their loved one home. I remember when we had from our, RCMP, they, they said, you know, on the way out of town tomorrow, the next day, just stop in. And I just thought, I like I don't know what that means.

00;52;37;27 - 00;52;58;25
Heather Shtuka
Right. So, so having, you know, I think your biggest fear as a family member is that people are going to stop looking at that. You have to keep, pushing and pushing. And so even that that constant line of communication where they're accountable to their actions means the difference to families going through. They don't have to wonder. They don't have to worry about that.

00;52;58;28 - 00;53;23;04
Heather Shtuka
I would say the other one is managing expectations. So we've we had, you know, Search and rescue had come up and they were a volunteer group. Great group. But they came up, telling us already beforehand that if Ryan's here were 110% sure we'll find him. And so, you know, you put all your eggs in that one basket and then, when the moment comes and they don't, you're devastated.

00;53;23;04 - 00;53;50;06
Heather Shtuka
Although you find out later that there's a, there's a whole, plethora of reasons why that may not have happened. So better to not have said that than for me to count on that. And then, we're already grief stricken, so that just that tears you down even more. So I would say, if you can manage expectations by letting them know this is what's happening, these are the probability, this is what can happen, what may happen and what might not happen.

00;53;50;06 - 00;54;12;23
Heather Shtuka
And have you prepared for it. Better to be prepared than panicked about the whole thing. And I would say the last thing is ego is that, you know, even as parents, we can imagine every scenario under which Ryan, went missing. And we have no way of knowing which one that is. And yet we're prepared for whatever answer comes in the moment that someone, finds Ryan.

00;54;12;23 - 00;54;36;09
Heather Shtuka
And we were able to bring him home. But we had, a search and rescue, a manager who, was quite clear that because he was out searching for one day in that task, that because he hadn't found them, that that he was no longer here. That may be true. It may not be true, but, you know, even at the end of the day, if if your thoughts about what happened to Ryan and my thoughts are different, we're not winning a prize.

00;54;36;09 - 00;54;57;06
Heather Shtuka
If if you end up your, scenario fits, and that's what happened. You don't win a prize. No one ever sits there and goes, oh, Heather, you're the most intelligent person. You were able to figure it out over everybody. We don't we don't win anything. We might get closer closure, but that's it. And so we really found that people's ego plays a huge part in it, especially your your officials that are coming out.

00;54;57;06 - 00;55;12;23
Heather Shtuka
If they could just suspend that and, and be open to everything, because for as many people that have gone missing and have been found, there's several others that were located within the same area of which they were searched for. Right? Yeah.

00;55;13;00 - 00;55;19;20
Tim Conrad
Yeah, absolutely. And so how do you maintain your mental well-being during the most intense moments?

00;55;19;22 - 00;55;43;11
Heather Shtuka
Like, we've probably such black here. I think we just we're just we're sarcastic. And so that's within our family, but also the support from our family and friends. I, I know that, you know, I try to look it through the lens of it does not matter whether I am standing, I'm kneeling or I'm lying down. The world and the sky will just pass by you the same way.

00;55;43;18 - 00;56;01;25
Heather Shtuka
It's just your view through. It is a different, you you look at it through a different lens. So on the days that I can't stand, I kneel. On the days I can't kneel, I lie down. But I always know that there's somebody behind me that will help prop me up and and get me to that. So I rely a lot on my extended.

00;56;01;27 - 00;56;25;12
Heather Shtuka
Like I said, my family, my friends are my extended family. And so they are. They are the most important. My husband, my daughters, my mom and dad. Like them, they all provide this supportive network and I'm willing to accept it. And the communication is key. Talking over those feelings when we feel at our worst, explaining it, saying, I'm not, I'm not there today.

00;56;25;13 - 00;56;35;01
Heather Shtuka
I don't know why today is really affecting me the way it is, but it is. And being clear about that and knowing it's okay to be gentle on yourself, you don't have to do it all. I don't have to be Wonder Woman.

00;56;35;06 - 00;56;55;12
Tim Conrad
Yeah, true. Right. And I do have one bonus question for you. We are standing in the spot. Yeah, it's a possibility that Ryan might have come down this way. Right down behind that log over there. Yeah. And taken a route around that way, too, right as host. But I'm wondering, though, of all the possibilities and all the things, what can people do to help find Ryan.

00;56;55;14 - 00;57;16;27
Heather Shtuka
I think, it's continue advocating, like our searching efforts have been scaled down because it's hard after seven years with the deadfall and the and the brush, and we don't know if if he were to leave. So we always look at it going, you know, on the bucket where someone knows something and that Ryan potentially was taken away or something happened to him or somebody was responsible for him.

00;57;17;00 - 00;57;34;01
Heather Shtuka
Those are things that we can't investigate. We're not investigators. That's not our skill set. So why we focus so much on being up here and searching, that sort of thing. We can search and we can advocate. Those are the things that we can do as, loved ones, family members, as parents. So that's what we stick to.

00;57;34;01 - 00;57;57;14
Heather Shtuka
We have to allow the authorities to do the things that they have the skill set for. So I would just say continue to advocate, to, if you're out, especially if you come to Sun Peaks, without being intrusive, you know, do purposeful walks, that sort of thing. We're looking for now, articles of his clothing, his keys, wallet, that sort of thing.

00;57;57;16 - 00;58;23;09
Heather Shtuka
And then just in general, like, if you can't help us and we appreciate it, you share the word, spread awareness. That's wonderful. But look around in your own community. Is there a way that you can be kind, where you can help other families that perhaps do not have the same resources or networks that we do? There's a disparity in in the way people have searched for, and there's a disparity in how they're allocated and how and all of those things.

00;58;23;09 - 00;58;30;00
Heather Shtuka
And so if you can provide that to other family members, what a gift you give them.

00;58;30;02 - 00;58;48;29
Tim Conrad
Yeah, absolutely. So, the hashtag is fine range Stuka. Yeah. And there's a Facebook group, of course. So, encourage people to join and, thank you so much. Thank you there. I really appreciate the time. And for opening your heart and your story. And, joining me on the wildfires, Floods and Chaos Communications podcast.

00;58;49;04 - 00;58;54;12
Tim Conrad
Thank you. Thanks.

00;58;54;14 - 00;59;15;20
Tim Conrad
This week, I asked you to share all missing person reports in your community. Behind every missing person is a family member desperate for answers. And as you heard, there is little support. After the first week. It is especially important to build public awareness and tips in the immediate period after someone goes missing and if possible, help by joining a search party.

00;59;15;26 - 00;59;41;28
Tim Conrad
Learn more about Ryan Shtuka at RyanShtuka.com. That's r y a n s h t u k a.com again, it's Ryan Shtuka.com. See more information in our show notes at communications podcast communications has an S as in sorry I'm not going to spell that one. Stick around at the end as I take a Shtukasaurus on its first adventure.

00;59;42;06 - 01;00;05;02
Tim Conrad
This clever idea has resulted in Ryan story spreading around the world many times. I'm very thankful to Heather for opening her heart to me, and for being willing to share such personal moments. Thank you to you, our audience, for joining the wildfires, floods and chaos communications podcast. We welcome guests, topics and suggestions, ratings, and of course, more lessons and views over at Communications podcast.com.

01;00;05;09 - 01;00;30;21
Tim Conrad
I recorded two episodes last week and booked another. More content is coming the wildfires, Floods and Chaos Communications podcast is a production of Butterfly Effect Communications. Copyright 2025 and 2026. Goodbye. Hear me in a moment, then later. Well, I'm here in Nelson, and, I have one of these little green dinosaurs. And it is for Ryan Shtuka.

01;00;30;23 - 01;00;54;06
Tim Conrad
And I'm just going to read it here. Missing is Ryan Shtuka, the 20-year-old, who disappeared at Sun Peaks Resort in British Columbia, Canada, on February 17th, 2018. Extensive and ongoing search efforts have given no clues to Ryan's location. We would appreciate if you could share Ryan's story and a picture of where you found this Dino.

01;00;54;09 - 01;01;21;17
Tim Conrad
So this dino is going to begin. Here it is. This Shtukasaurus. And, it's the talk about his story and that their family and friends have done this, from really early on from when Ryan went missing. And so I've had a beautiful time here in Nelson. And, little Stukasaurus is going to start their adventure up here on this bench at a bus stop.

01;01;21;19 - 01;01;48;15
Tim Conrad
It's a gorgeous view. So I gave, Shtukaurus a nice little tour of BC on the way down. Had a front row seat, and, so if you happen to find one of these, take a picture, share the information with others. And, There's your little Shtukasaurus is going to start their adventure. Let's hope we can find Ryan someday.